ENJOY GAMING WITH 60FPS, RAY TRACING & MORE ON PS5, OUR NEXTGEN GAMING HARDWARE
Ever since PS4 launched, we have consistently done nothing to improve and evolve the experience based on your shitty feedback. You guys have always been asking for 60FPS, but no, we released PS4 PRO -- a slightly better machine which you can play the exact same game on your shitty 1080p TV, that’s why this time we’re excited to launch PS5, a much better gaming beast which still can't reach stable 60FPS if you turn ray tracing on. And the best part? PS5 is sold out everywhere so you won't be worrying about any of this.
WHERE TO BUY PS5 YOU ASK?
See this beauty right here? You want one? Don't worry, we're a billion dollar company so of course we developed the shittest preorder system possible so that only god-blessed person can actually get one. If you miss the preorder as we anticipated, you can still order one from our 3rd-party retailers which probably also have the same shitty system as we do. Still miss all that? That's ok! Thanks to our loyal friend -- scalpers, you can now order one easily for merely 3-6 times the original price, now that's a bargain!
FREE GAMES FOR OUR LOYAL PS PLUS MEMBERS
Don't have any new games on PS5 to play? No biggie, here are some old PS4 games which you probably already bought, you can get them for FREE! Except you have to have PS PLUS which requires money, but hey it's better than nothing. Also you shouldn't claim those games on your friend PS5 and plan to play them on your PS4 even though they're PS4 games, but yeah, don't do that, or we'll ban your and your friend's smart little ass for outsmart us even though we're a billion dollar company and we could easily implement something like preventing you from playing those games if you don't own a PS5 or simply put some warnings on our little poster, like "Don't claim those if you don't own a PS5 or you'll get your ass banned". Why not you ask? Cuz FUCK YOU, that's why. We gotta sell more of these machines BABY!!!
BUY OUR MACHINES NOW!!
There are two PlayStation 5 models: PS5 and PS5 Digital Edition. However, you may be wondering what's the big deal of the PS5 Digital Edition. Well apart from the obviously that the Digital Edition is cheaper and it can only play digital version of the game, the best part is that we own the right to all games which means technically you don't actually own the game you bought, it's kind of like you're renting them but for the full price, and we can terminate this relationship whenever and however we want. Don't believe it? Ask our lawyers, we got plenty of them.
become a sony slave right now!
PS5 will be available everywhere except actually nowhere. Buy the digital edition and become a SONY SLAVE right now! And don't forget our stupid ass PS PLUS membership cuz it's actually a great deal if you turn a blind eye to our competitor's plan such as XGP. Also we send our best regards to anyone getting a defect PS5 on launch day, we advise you to stay calm and record a video of your sorry ass experience and post it on YOUTUBE, so that 8 years later it'll be recommended to everyone when PS6 comes out and we hope you'll be making enough money to match the amount you paid the scalpers lmao.
